Me with anorexia
On 10/03/2018 | 0 Comments | Blog | Tags: , ,

Being skinny has been always a part of me. That was my signature and I just had to keep it. That was the way I felt comfortable. Actually it even hasn’t been so hard to maintain my flat stomach at first. I had my eating and exercising plan, wich became my routine. But with every day my flat stomach hasn’t seemed so flat anymore. It was just … normal, nothing special. And I had to be special. I just couldn’t satisfated with being regular, because with everything in my life that went wrong that was the only thing I thought I will sucseed. So I had to flattered it. I dedicated every single day to the moment my body will be perfect. I truly believed it will solve all my problems – people will finnaly like me, somebody will feel in love with me, I will become self-confident, will be the best student and get the best job.

But guess what? That day had never come! My stomach has never become enough flat, even more, every single person ran away from me. Even my best friend. Now I was just one lonely, broken person, infront of the mirror, with ugly body and lost life goal. I started to wish I would never even exist. Suddenly everything became so fucking complicated and I weren’t able to solve it. I found myself in dead end…

Those days became my worst days I could ever imagine and I can still feel the pain in me if I just think of them. I think the word wich could describe the feeling I had even doesn’t exist. Those realy were the most lonely and paintfull day wich nobody deserves to experience it.

Thinking of me with anorexia now makes me sad. With every picture I look I fly away in some other place and other time and I just can’t belive I haven’t been able to see not only a flat stomach but the whole hole in it. Now I know everything was just so wrong. I know I didn’t know anything…

 

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